Listen up, Buttercup. We’ve got some inconceivable news for you. You’ve been saying that one phrase (or two) wrong your whole life, and, well, it’s a little embarrassing. We’re not here to judge—okay, yes, we are.
Grammar is important, and we would hate for you to be counted out of an opportunity or good graces based on an honest mistake. So prepare to die… of embarrassment when you realize how long you’ve been screwing these up. Let this be your guide and your reminder to double-check your favorite phrases. We’re covering some all-too common examples that’ll make you want to scream, “Inconceivable!”
I could care less
As you wish, but let’s get real for a second – if you “could care less,” that means you actually do care at least a little bit. The correct phrase is “I couldn’t care less.” As in, your level of caring is already at rock bottom. There’s nowhere lower to go on the care-o-meter.
Next time someone tells you they “could care less,” feel free to respond with “You keep using that phrase. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Watch their brain short-circuit as they try to backpedal. You’re welcome.
For all intensive purposes
Unless you’re talking about some really hardcore, extreme purposes that would impress even the Dread Pirate Roberts, the phrase you’re looking for is “for all intents and purposes.” We get it – “intensive” sounds fancier. But sometimes simplicity wins the day.
Pro tip: If you want to sound extra smart, just say “effectively” or “essentially” instead. Boom. Problem solved, no pesky idioms required. When you know what the fuck you’re doing, you don’t have to rely on fillers like this anyway. Inconceivable, right?
Nip it in the butt
Let’s clear this up faster than Inigo Montoya can say, “You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Unless you’re talking about biting someone’s actual ass, the phrase is “nip it in the bud.”
It’s a gardening metaphor, folks. You’re cutting off a problem at its earliest stage, like snipping a flower bud before it blooms into a full-blown disaster. “Nip it in the butt” implies you’re provoking some sort of situation. And trust us, that’s a pit of despair you don’t want to fall into.
I could of
Okay, maybe a tiny bit of judgment on this one. You “could have” or “could’ve.” “Could of” is what happens when your ears and your grammar knowledge aren’t on speaking terms. It’s about as correct as calling the Cliffs of Insanity a gentle slope.
Next time you’re tempted to write “could of,” remember that somebody somewhere will be giving major side-eye. That should do the trick.
Irregardless
Irregardless isn’t a word. It’s what happens when “irrespective” and “regardless” have a grammatically incorrect baby. It’s as made-up as the contents of Miracle Max’s miracle pill.
Yes, we know it’s in some dictionaries now because people refused to stop using it. But just because something’s in the dictionary doesn’t mean it’s not ridiculous. Don’t overcomplicate it, just say “regardless.”
Now, go forth and never look silly again. There are so many more than we went over here, so please, for the love of whatever you believe in, go conduct a Google search. If you learned something new today, once again, you are very welcome. And remember, true love might be the greatest thing in the world… except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. But proper grammar? That’s pretty high up there too.
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