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Online snooping: We're exceptionally good at it

Share the goods.

Delaney Mackenzie typing on a phone.

Internet stalking is kind of our jam. Our team is, like, super good at it. Don’t worry, we use our powers for good, not evil.

By the way, this blog is satire, like our previous Quarantine Diaries content. 

Recently, we were informed one of our employees has embarked on a new romantic venture with another individual. Oddly enough, they were hesitant to share this news with our team. We are an incredibly supportive group, so we were a bit taken aback by their reluctance.

Once we found out the joyous news, it was off to the races…or the web browser.

To conduct a thorough character investigation, we recommend the following steps.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Ok, so going through a person’s social media seems obvious, right? Well, put your detective cap on and have a little fun. You can discover their hobbies, friends, and even past relationships. Oh, you have some people in common? Let the investigation begin.

GOOGLE IMAGES

Once you find someone on social (easy, right?), it’s time to Google Image search them ASAP. Where are their most embarrassing photos? Do those images link to an old Myspace? What about an old interview or high school newspaper? This is where some of the best internet gold comes from. Search them in Google Images, sit back, and love the results. 

Note: Please don’t do this to us. You won’t find anything. We promise. Totally.

 

Rowan Leo with red hair, giving the camera look.
Chelsea Yeoman, posing in the sunlight.
Brianna Zimmer, posing for soccer photos in high school.
Erica Statly on rollerblades in a park.

VENMO

Always, always, always check Venmo. This is where you find people’s true colors and see what they spend their money on. Can’t find it? Start digging. Your coworker and their beloved have probably already venmoed each other anyway, so your job is half done. 

We have actually done this in the office a few times. By “this,” we mean stalking a friend’s significant other’s Venmo. It’s not creepy. It took a turn when we printed out the significant other’s Venmo profile picture and put it around the office, bathroom stalls included. Psycho or power move? Who’s to say?

MARKETING AUTOMATION

Do you have their email? You can use marketing automation to keep an eye on them. Add them to your platform and send them a smart email. Then, every time they visit your site, you’ll be able to see what they’re looking at (like a certain someone’s team profile).

Anyway, if you feel like this blog is about you, please click here and fill out this form. We won’t use it to follow your every move. We promise.

(Our fingers were crossed🤞.)
 
There’s more to the snooping, but we can’t give away all of our secrets. Let’s just say we are capable of finding anyone, and we mean anyone. You can reach out and buy us a drink in exchange for more secrets. Alcohol is our love language.

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“It has been an incredible experience - getting to connect with women business owners from all across Michigan, learn from experts on planning for growth, and learn to lead to the best of my abilities for myself and my team.”

- @rcdutcher, CEO of @red66.marketing

We’re looking for business owners who thrive in collaborative environments and can fully commit to the program—attending all in-person sessions, participating in one-on-one coaching, and engaging in every aspect of the nine-month fellowship. Participants who gain the most come ready to contribute, learn, and problem-solve alongside other committed business leaders.

Applications close on September 15.

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Open post by 8thirtyfour with ID 17899228887595814
“It has been an incredible experience - getting to connect with women business owners from all across Michigan, learn from experts on planning for growth, and learn to lead to the best of my abilities for myself and my team.” - @rcdutcher, CEO of @red66.marketing We’re looking for business owners who thrive in collaborative environments and can fully commit to the program—attending all in-person sessions, participating in one-on-one coaching, and engaging in every aspect of the nine-month fellowship. Participants who gain the most come ready to contribute, learn, and problem-solve alongside other committed business leaders. Applications close on September 15.

FUN FACT FRIDAY: It’s only fitting for us to own a building where a trailblazing female operated her businesses in 1906. The Phillips family represented one of the longest-running retail tenures in Grand Rapids history; L.E. Phillips Jewelry in the 1365 Plainfield Ave. building from 1906 until 1973.
Dr. Eva Phillips, a certified and licensed optometrist ran her practice out of the jewelry store’s secondary parlor and was an equal partner in the jewelry store.

Together, they offered a unique one-stop shot which expanded to include appliances, record players, and more. The couple operated the shop through two World Wars and the Great Depression, acting as the neighborhood matriarch and patriarch.

@crestongr @crestoncorridor @crestongrandrapids @citygrandrapids @grandrapidspubliclibrary

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Open post by 8thirtyfour with ID 17898983202545176
FUN FACT FRIDAY: It’s only fitting for us to own a building where a trailblazing female operated her businesses in 1906. The Phillips family represented one of the longest-running retail tenures in Grand Rapids history; L.E. Phillips Jewelry in the 1365 Plainfield Ave. building from 1906 until 1973. Dr. Eva Phillips, a certified and licensed optometrist ran her practice out of the jewelry store’s secondary parlor and was an equal partner in the jewelry store. Together, they offered a unique one-stop shot which expanded to include appliances, record players, and more. The couple operated the shop through two World Wars and the Great Depression, acting as the neighborhood matriarch and patriarch. @crestongr @crestoncorridor @crestongrandrapids @citygrandrapids @grandrapidspubliclibrary

Have you tuned into The Happy Hour Hustle Podcast yet?
If not, a) you’re missing out and b) you need to follow immediately. Hosted by @bodespeaks, episodes drop every other week, and feature some pretty bada$$ guests if we do say so ourselves.

This week, Kim sits down with @kelsey_orchard , VP of Marketing and Communications at @fifthwheelfreight to chat building a personal brand, Gen Z entering the workforce, misconceptions about logistics, spotting fake LinkedIn profiles – oh and why your GPA doesn’t matter anymore.

Grab a watermelon margarita, sit back and enjoy for lots of laughs and real talk.

Listen now at the link in bio.

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Open post by 8thirtyfour with ID 18112263326023209
Have you tuned into The Happy Hour Hustle Podcast yet? If not, a) you’re missing out and b) you need to follow immediately. Hosted by @bodespeaks, episodes drop every other week, and feature some pretty bada$$ guests if we do say so ourselves. This week, Kim sits down with @kelsey_orchard , VP of Marketing and Communications at @fifthwheelfreight to chat building a personal brand, Gen Z entering the workforce, misconceptions about logistics, spotting fake LinkedIn profiles – oh and why your GPA doesn’t matter anymore. Grab a watermelon margarita, sit back and enjoy for lots of laughs and real talk. Listen now at the link in bio.

National Perimenopause Month starts today. We have a LOT to say, and we’re not going to be quiet about it, especially this month, so buckle up.

We were not prepared for perimenopause, much like our periods, sex, or anything else to do with our bodies. God forbid we talk about it openly.

We were taught to be ashamed, keep quiet, and to accept that it is just part of being a woman. We reject that narrative. In fact, like @bodespeaks, we want to bring it up in every conversation.

When we normalize perimenopause and the conversation around it, we stop isolating, and we’re all more prepared.
Join us for Uncomfortable Conversations: The Pause on September 24th — a powerful conversation hosted alongside the @smallbusinessassocofmichigan
Women’s Business Council, featuring some kicka$$ experts who will give you the real talk on perimenopause (more to come on them later).

Register at the link in bio.

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Open post by 8thirtyfour with ID 18132641716644887
National Perimenopause Month starts today. We have a LOT to say, and we’re not going to be quiet about it, especially this month, so buckle up. We were not prepared for perimenopause, much like our periods, sex, or anything else to do with our bodies. God forbid we talk about it openly. We were taught to be ashamed, keep quiet, and to accept that it is just part of being a woman. We reject that narrative. In fact, like @bodespeaks, we want to bring it up in every conversation. When we normalize perimenopause and the conversation around it, we stop isolating, and we’re all more prepared. Join us for Uncomfortable Conversations: The Pause on September 24th — a powerful conversation hosted alongside the @smallbusinessassocofmichigan Women’s Business Council, featuring some kicka$$ experts who will give you the real talk on perimenopause (more to come on them later). Register at the link in bio.
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