Unwritten Office Rules

Jen, Principal of 8THIRTYFOUR, laying down the gavel after a team meeting.

We pride ourselves on being different. We’re a little weird and a lot sarcastic. We don’t take ourselves too seriously, because where’s the fun in that?

To continue our streak of satire, we thought we’d share our unwritten office rules.

They may be unwritten, but they are set in stone.

1. Every Wednesday, we can expect a team chat with the photo below from Bri, our PR Specialist.

A large bull frog with the words "it is Wednesday, my dudes".

2. If you finish the coffee, you make more coffee. This is times infinity. The coffee is never not available. 

3. Kim will haunt your dreams if you don’t post to the story on your Instagram day. It’s true, it doesn’t matter where she is. She sees all. 

4. If you come into the office and don’t greet the team you have to walk out and come back and try it again. What? Did your mama raise you in a barn? 

5. If you can’t recite all 5 core values, you will be publicly stoned. [SHAME]

6. If you show up not wearing color, you will again be shamed (apparently black, white and gray don’t count). 

7. Monkey Management: You can feed or shoot your own monkey, but never pass it to someone else. 

8. Kim will haze you into drinking. Just comply.

9. You must be able to quote Mean Girls or Bridesmaids at any given moment.

10. Put your earbuds in to tune out Bri and Chels talking about the Bachelor franchise every Tuesday.

11. Team members who don’t understand Goonies references/have never seen it before basically have to wear the cone of shame for a day. If you didn’t know, it’s Kim’s favorite movie.

12. Cat love is tolerated. Dog love is required.

13. You’re not officially part of the team until you’ve embarrassed yourself at an event.

14. If you’re buying lunch, you have to ask anyone else if they want to go in on the order. And if you’re including Kim, it had better be here by 11 a.m.

15. What happens at State of the Company stays at State of the Company.

So many rules and so little time to explain them all. We guess you’ll just have to stay tuned to our blog and podcasts to learn more about this cool culture we’ve created. Or you could just get to know us by getting in touch right now.

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